Well Looky There...

Not long ago...I wrote a post called "What to Expect When you are NOT Expecting." It talked about the challenges and heartaches of trying to get pregnant. It is nothing other than a battle. Right after I wrote that post I had a come to Jesus...with Jesus...literally. I decided that I was done living my life 2 weeks at a time. It wasn't fair to my husband, the daughter I DO have, or myself. I let go. I began the Advocare 24 day challenge and was setting my mind to becoming healthier and more fit. I did not take any ovulation tests and was not neurotic around ovulation time. I can truly say with all honesty, I let God take the burden from me. Well..........4 short weeks later....

Well looky there...

GOD. ROCKS. 

After 4 terrifying, white knuckle weeks of blood tests and monitoring my high risk pregnancy...

I got to see my baby and hear it's precious heart beat. IT WAS THE SOUND OF VICTORY! Unfortunately Josh couldn't be there because he cannot take any time off while in the academy but I had my mom right by my side...eyes full of tears...sharing this beautiful moment. 

I want to say thank you to EVERY SINGLE PERSON who said even one prayer for us. I am a steadfast believer that there is nothing stronger than the power of prayer and we had so many people behind us. I feel like this is a victory for so many more people than just Josh and me. So to anyone who prayed for my family...I thank you from the very bottom of my heart. Please continue to pray for a healthy pregnancy...this battle is not over yet. 

SO....now I finally get to do what I have been planning on doing since I found out I was pregnant the first time in January of this year. I ran out and bought what I needed to make myself a chalkboard and picked out the template I wanted to use to document my pregnancy. Well, the chalkboard ended up being used for Lilly's scripture every morning...and unfortunately a few people I know have been blessed with pregnancies and they have used the questions I had planned on using but OH WELL! I'm not going to let that stop me from my original plan. I will use my blog to document the progress of my pregnancy...for y'all... and for me to look back on. I AM SO EXCITED! 

How far along? 10 Weeks

Baby is the size of a: prune

Total weight gain: ZERO

Maternity clothes? nope

Stretch marks? absolutely not

Sleep: Between the weird dreams and getting up to pee every 2 hours...not great

Best moment this week: Having Lilly see her new sibling on the sono. She had no idea!

Movement: no...even though Lilly checks every day ;)

Have you told your family and friends? Yes! We told them this week at our Christmas party!

Miss anything? Margaritas

Food cravings: Chicken pot pies...I know...weird

Anything making you queasy or sick? Coffee. Even the smell of it makes me gag :( saddest thing ever

Gender: 100% sure it's a boy

Labor signs: nope

Symptoms: so incredibly tired....alllll the time

Belly button in or out? in 

Wedding rings on or off? on :)

Happy or moody most of the time? honestly? moody. EVERYTHING annoys me. My poor husband and co-workers

Looking forward to? The morning sickness and CONSTANT nausea to go away

I hope yall enjoy going through our journey with us. I feel like so many of you are already a part of this journey...so the more the merrier!! 

Until 11 weeks...

Kay

29 Years Young 

 

 My brother turned 29 on Wednesday. I had every intention on posting this on his ACTUAL birthday...but 12-12-12 was not kind to the lady. So here I am, two days late, dedicating this post to my amazing big brother, Kyle. Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to list 29 of my favorite things about Kyle (get it...because he turned 29) I know I know...I'm SO clever. So here they are. 

1. His amazing laugh
2. His mad dance moves

3. The way he loves my mom 
4. That even when I'm infuriated with him...he still makes me laugh
5. That no matter how old we get or how far apart we live...he is my best friend. 

 
6. His love for adventure
7. His love for his puppy/son, Banjo
8. His sense of humor
9. How stubborn he is (which I also hate I will add) 
10. How protective he was of me growing up.
11.  How protective he is of me as an adult 
12. His"I love you sister"texts
13. How he is with his little old ladies. They absolutely adore him! 
14. His big smile. It's contagious I swear

 

{See}

  

15. How he says Lilly "reree"
16. How truly excited he gets when he sees his family
17. The kind of husband and daddy he will be
18. All of the wisdom he has shared with me over the years
19. The way he bends over backward to accommodate everyone
20. His loyalty to his sports teams. Don't even talk to him if you are now a Thunder fan and used to root for the Mavs
21. His love of God
22. His idea of his perfect woman (and I still have the PERFECT one for him :) 
23. How we talk to each other like we are "special" judge us if you'd like 

24. How it is nearly impossible to get a picture with his eyes actually OPEN

 

 {He has to try soooo hard}

 
25. His bravery to follow his dreams
26.  The Tabor cheeeese that he so kindly handed down to me

 

{Exhibit 1 &2}

 

 27. The fact the he has been the best man in several weddings...it says so much about the kind of man and friend he is
28. The fact that he walked me down the isle ♥
29. that he challenges me...all the time 

And one for good measure...

 
30. The simple fact that he is MY big brother. I am forever blessed. 

 

 I could lie and tell you that it was difficult for me to come up with a list of  29 things...but it would be exactly that...a lie. If he was turning 100...piece of cake. 

I love you to the moon Bubby. Happy Birthday and I can't wait to see you!

Trusting In My Tomorrows

When I starting dating Josh, I wasn't in the best place in my life. I was a single mother, just gotten out of a relationship that had rocked my reality, and struggling with the balance of my recommitment to the Lord and the life I was used to living. To say the least, I wasnt looking for a life long commitment when I spent my first weekend with Josh down in Dallas. I think back on that weekend frequently. Josh had also just gotten out of a serious relationship and was on the last stages of his healing process. To say it was fate is an understatement. We fell asleep the first night holding hands. I swear I felt like we were 15...but it was absolutely amazing. He didn't even try to make a move, which was very much refreshing to me. The next morning he had to leave early for a baseball game. He got his things together quietly as I pretended to be asleep. He walked over, leaned down and kissed me on the cheek, and left. Perfection. THAT...was the beginning of our relationship.

 Ok...now to the point of this story that I hold so dear to my heart. At church this morning, my pastor said something that rang by bell. He said "God was for me so much in my yesterday's that I can trust him in my tomorrows" I look back on that April weekend of 2009 and stand in awe of God's timing. I was not in a good place and at times I felt that God wasn't working FOR me...but what I realize now is that God was working IN me. God had me go through everything I did to lead me to that weekend. He worked in me the entire time...making me the person i needed to be for the man that would one day be my husband. He took two people who were healing, placed them together, and connected our hearts forever, through HIM. He was there for me in my yesterdays. In no way, shape, or form will I say that my life if perfect. Josh and I have had and will have our fair share of struggles but we have CHOSEN to trust in the Lord because in all reality... We wouldn't even be WE with Him in the first place.

We trust Him with our tomorrows. No matter what happens In our future...we choose God. Because if God is for us, who can ever be against us?

{The first weekend we ever spent together}

Until next time...

Kay

What To Expect When You Are NOT Expecting

So I recently watched the movie “What To Expect While Expecting” with Josh and then again tonight with my mom. Let me tell ya, it is a good movie. I laughed…I cried…cried more than laughed…but came away liking it. I will also tell you this; Nooot the best movie to watch when you are unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant. The movie takes you through 5 different woman’s (and their husband’s) journeys to parenthood. We have the woman who tried for years and finally got pregnant, the woman where everything just came so easily to her, the woman who was unable to have children and was experiencing adoption of a baby from Ethiopia, a woman later in life who unexpectedly got pregnant by a new boyfriend, and a woman who got pregnant on a one night stand but ended up miscarrying (hence the tears).  The movie touches on each woman’s battle and the joys and heartache of bringing a human being into the world. Well I thought I would give you a little insight on the woman who has miscarried twice and who is fighting the good fight of getting pregnant. This is what to expect with you are NOT expecting…

     1) Living your life 2 weeks at a time. When you are trying to get pregnant…there are 2 very important dates each month. The day you ovulate and the day (sorry to go here) you start. For the first two weeks you are counting down the days until ovulation and then you go on to count down the days to where you can take a pregnancy test. After a negative test…the cycle starts all over.  It is exhausting.  I personally have managed to consolidate my obsession days down to just a few a month…but having a family and a busy work place helps tremendously with that.  Thank the good Lord.

    2) Emotional Roller Coaster 101. Oh Em Ge. One day I am fine…one day I am a wreck.  13 ½ days I am fine…1 ½ days I am a wreck. Bless my poor husband’s heart. I can’t imagine how he feels not knowing what he will get each day. This battle has brought out a new side of me that I never knew I had. Trying to continue to let your heart heel while you are trying so hard to make something new happen is almost an impossible task. So why do I do it you ask? Because I am flippin crazy that's why. The thought of holding a child that is half me and half Josh drives me into hysteria. Get a grip, Kay. Get a grip.

  3) The 28 Day Blues. This one is pretty self explanatory and goes along with both 1 & 2. With every negative test…the 28 days blues comes out in full force. Sometimes…just sometimes…I want to tell mother nature to suck it.

4) Trust. I recently had a discussion with one of my best friends about our faith. We were trying to decide how much trust we TRULY put into the Lord. We say that we trust Him and that we give all over to Him…but are we sure that we don’t just trust Him with the things that WE can ultimately control? Reality check. That’s not the way it works…and this is coming from a strong conviction that I have on myself. It is not MY timing…it is HIS. It is not MY will…it is HIS. No matter how many 2 week increments I live or how many pregnancy tests I take…they will be negative until God decides differently. End of discussion. I pray for God to give me the strength to fight this battle in His time…and I feel that it has gotten easier in the last couple of months. But, in no way, shape, or form is this easy. All God wants to do is carry this burden for me…all I have to do is allow Him to.

So there it is…what to expect when you are NOT expecting. I know there are so many women out there that are going through the same thing I am right now.  So let’s stick together shall we? You are not crazy, you are not alone. I promise to keep all of you in my prayers…I only ask that you return the favor ;)

With all my love,

Kayleigh

The Art of Co-Parenting

“Then He took the children in His arms and placed His hands on their heads and blessed them”

                                                                 -Mark 10:16

As many of you know…I had Lilly at the ripe age of 19. I was, for lack of better words, a baby. Like most teenagers, I was not looking for a life partner when I linked myself to Lilly’s dad forever…but it is what it is and 6 and ½ years later we are still fumbling our way through parenthood. So here’s the thing. Being a  parent is hard…being a parent with an ex…MUCH harder. Thankfully for us, Lilly was young enough when her father and I split that it won’t cause any permanent damage (well here’s to hoping at least) and again…6 and ½ years later I feel like we are finally starting to figure it out. Now don’t get me wrong, we are by no means the ideal divorced parents…but then again…we are divorced, so us getting a long all the time is just out of the question. But I can say that we are at a place where we are putting our differences aside and putting Lilly first. I know how hard it can be to bite your tongue when all you want to do is scream. I know how terrifying it is sending your child away for weeks at a time not knowing with complete certainty that she is getting the kind of love that she receives at home with you.  But what it comes down to is trusting that God will take care of His child…the child the He so graciously let you borrow and that He trusted you to raise. If God can trust me…I can trust Lilly’s dad. 

 Lilly’s dad just recently moved to Texas with his girlfriend who I absolutely adore and Lilly is over the moon.  I feel like Lilly can finally have the relationships that I had growing up. Instead of 2 parents who loved me…I got 4. My sweet baby has 4 people who would do anything for her and I feel blessed to have finally gotten to this point. So to all you single parents who think it will never get easier…hang in there. Im not saying that every day is easy for us…but we never fail to work through the hard days and come out stronger, better parents. But remember, every decision we make and every word we speak directly effects our children….and you never know when little ears and eyes are around.  All I know is that if you love your child, you will so anything to put their happiness first. If Lilly’s father and I can do it…anybody can. So I leave you with this.

“But when I am afraid, I will pit my trust in You. I praise God for what he has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?”      -Psalm 56:3-4

With all my love,

Kayleigh