What To Expect When You Are NOT Expecting

So I recently watched the movie “What To Expect While Expecting” with Josh and then again tonight with my mom. Let me tell ya, it is a good movie. I laughed…I cried…cried more than laughed…but came away liking it. I will also tell you this; Nooot the best movie to watch when you are unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant. The movie takes you through 5 different woman’s (and their husband’s) journeys to parenthood. We have the woman who tried for years and finally got pregnant, the woman where everything just came so easily to her, the woman who was unable to have children and was experiencing adoption of a baby from Ethiopia, a woman later in life who unexpectedly got pregnant by a new boyfriend, and a woman who got pregnant on a one night stand but ended up miscarrying (hence the tears).  The movie touches on each woman’s battle and the joys and heartache of bringing a human being into the world. Well I thought I would give you a little insight on the woman who has miscarried twice and who is fighting the good fight of getting pregnant. This is what to expect with you are NOT expecting…

     1) Living your life 2 weeks at a time. When you are trying to get pregnant…there are 2 very important dates each month. The day you ovulate and the day (sorry to go here) you start. For the first two weeks you are counting down the days until ovulation and then you go on to count down the days to where you can take a pregnancy test. After a negative test…the cycle starts all over.  It is exhausting.  I personally have managed to consolidate my obsession days down to just a few a month…but having a family and a busy work place helps tremendously with that.  Thank the good Lord.

    2) Emotional Roller Coaster 101. Oh Em Ge. One day I am fine…one day I am a wreck.  13 ½ days I am fine…1 ½ days I am a wreck. Bless my poor husband’s heart. I can’t imagine how he feels not knowing what he will get each day. This battle has brought out a new side of me that I never knew I had. Trying to continue to let your heart heel while you are trying so hard to make something new happen is almost an impossible task. So why do I do it you ask? Because I am flippin crazy that's why. The thought of holding a child that is half me and half Josh drives me into hysteria. Get a grip, Kay. Get a grip.

  3) The 28 Day Blues. This one is pretty self explanatory and goes along with both 1 & 2. With every negative test…the 28 days blues comes out in full force. Sometimes…just sometimes…I want to tell mother nature to suck it.

4) Trust. I recently had a discussion with one of my best friends about our faith. We were trying to decide how much trust we TRULY put into the Lord. We say that we trust Him and that we give all over to Him…but are we sure that we don’t just trust Him with the things that WE can ultimately control? Reality check. That’s not the way it works…and this is coming from a strong conviction that I have on myself. It is not MY timing…it is HIS. It is not MY will…it is HIS. No matter how many 2 week increments I live or how many pregnancy tests I take…they will be negative until God decides differently. End of discussion. I pray for God to give me the strength to fight this battle in His time…and I feel that it has gotten easier in the last couple of months. But, in no way, shape, or form is this easy. All God wants to do is carry this burden for me…all I have to do is allow Him to.

So there it is…what to expect when you are NOT expecting. I know there are so many women out there that are going through the same thing I am right now.  So let’s stick together shall we? You are not crazy, you are not alone. I promise to keep all of you in my prayers…I only ask that you return the favor ;)

With all my love,

Kayleigh

The Art of Co-Parenting

“Then He took the children in His arms and placed His hands on their heads and blessed them”

                                                                 -Mark 10:16

As many of you know…I had Lilly at the ripe age of 19. I was, for lack of better words, a baby. Like most teenagers, I was not looking for a life partner when I linked myself to Lilly’s dad forever…but it is what it is and 6 and ½ years later we are still fumbling our way through parenthood. So here’s the thing. Being a  parent is hard…being a parent with an ex…MUCH harder. Thankfully for us, Lilly was young enough when her father and I split that it won’t cause any permanent damage (well here’s to hoping at least) and again…6 and ½ years later I feel like we are finally starting to figure it out. Now don’t get me wrong, we are by no means the ideal divorced parents…but then again…we are divorced, so us getting a long all the time is just out of the question. But I can say that we are at a place where we are putting our differences aside and putting Lilly first. I know how hard it can be to bite your tongue when all you want to do is scream. I know how terrifying it is sending your child away for weeks at a time not knowing with complete certainty that she is getting the kind of love that she receives at home with you.  But what it comes down to is trusting that God will take care of His child…the child the He so graciously let you borrow and that He trusted you to raise. If God can trust me…I can trust Lilly’s dad. 

 Lilly’s dad just recently moved to Texas with his girlfriend who I absolutely adore and Lilly is over the moon.  I feel like Lilly can finally have the relationships that I had growing up. Instead of 2 parents who loved me…I got 4. My sweet baby has 4 people who would do anything for her and I feel blessed to have finally gotten to this point. So to all you single parents who think it will never get easier…hang in there. Im not saying that every day is easy for us…but we never fail to work through the hard days and come out stronger, better parents. But remember, every decision we make and every word we speak directly effects our children….and you never know when little ears and eyes are around.  All I know is that if you love your child, you will so anything to put their happiness first. If Lilly’s father and I can do it…anybody can. So I leave you with this.

“But when I am afraid, I will pit my trust in You. I praise God for what he has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?”      -Psalm 56:3-4

With all my love,

Kayleigh 

I am Redeemed

Alright…so blogging is hard. You know what makes it even harder? Not having the internet at home. Thank you Canton, TX for having crappy, over priced internet. Boo.

Anyway.  I have been thinking about this post for MONTHS now and have even sat down to write it twice…but TV or my husband’s sweet kisses always seemed to win out. So this is my attempt at blessing someone today.  Here goes…

I have gotten to a point where only 2 radio stations play in my car. Both Christian radio…both good for my soul. One morning while I was driving to work a song I had never heard came on called “Redeemed” by the group Big Daddy Weave. I instantly loved it. Not many songs make such a strong first impression but these lyrics stayed with me throughout my work day.  To my delight I heard the song again while I was driving home (I didn’t say the stations were much for variety) and then bought it on Itunes shortly after. $1.29 well spent.  So, please read these lyrics and let them into your heart.

Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight it's already been won"

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"
I remember, oh God, You're not done with me yet

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be

Because I don't have to be the old man inside of me
'Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I've got a new name, a new life, I'm not the same
And a hope that will carry me home

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, 'cause I'm not who I used to be

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe every stain, yeah, I'm not who I used to be
Oh, God, I'm not who I used to be
Jesus, I'm not who I used to be
'Cause I am redeemed
Thank God, redeemed

Pretty incredible right? Recently an old friend of mine who recently found Jesus posted on Facebook that some of her friends where giving her a hard time about her new found Faith. They were mocking her…mocking Jesus. This song instantly came to my mind and I shared it with her and blessed her with it. My goal here tonight is to encourage people to stay strong in their Faith. This is not only our battle, it’s Jesus’ as well. I think back on the person I used to be and the mistakes I have made and all I can do is thank the Lord for saving me from that life. He redeemed me through His love and mercy and I will spend all of my days trying to honor Him for this gift.  There is no sin too great to be forgiven by God. He releases you from the chains of shame and made you clean. You are redeemed through Jesus’ blood and God’s love. How cool is that? There will be people who doubt you and mock you…but do you not think that Jesus was mocked and doubted every single day He was here? We are fighting a battle that Jesus has already won. If anything…that should make it easier for us.  

 Please read these lyrics closely and if you have a spare $1.29…buy it. Trust me, it will bless you. I am lucky enough to be filled with the love of Jesus every single day …are you? 

"Jesus gave His life for our sins, just as God out Father planned, in order to rescue us from this evil world in which we live" -Galatians 1:4