Healing

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” –Jeremiah 29:11

This scripture, among many others, has gotten me through the last 3 weeks. This is the scripture that I repeated over and over in my head the day we found out we lost the baby. I quickly stopped trying to make sense of it all because I knew I never would. Have you ever felt a feeling of complete hopelessness? A feeling of desperation and heartache? That was me…in that moment. So what did I do? I Prayed.

Dear Lord,

Please help me understand Your purpose for this loss. Please help me not question Your plan for our family. I love you, Lord, and know that You are here in this room with us. Hold us tight and heal our hearts. I know without a doubt You will lead us through this. I lay this burden in Your hands…and for that I thank you.

Amen

We made it though that day. We made it through the next…and the next. The amount of support we received was overwhelming. The love that we felt around us is indescribably. Throughout those days my body was healing but my heart was hurting. I continued to plead to God begging Him to help me understand. How could one day I wake up pregnant and go to sleep not pregnant? What is Your purpose for this, Lord? And then I found my answer.

 I received an abundance of messages from people from all walks of my life saying the sweetest things. So many of them had gone through similar if not the same thing I was going through. Their words were healing. Then I received a message from an old friend telling me that she, just the month before, had had a miscarriage. She went on to tell me that she had been struggling with depression from her experience but reading my posts were really helping her get through. She realized that God had a different plan and she was beginning to understand that. After I read that I just fell to my knees and wept. I began to pray trying to make sense of everything. I wanted to know why I didn’t feel the kind of depression that my friend was experiencing. Sad, yes. Heartbroken, yes. Depressed, no. Was it because I wasn’t as excited about the pregnancy as I thought? Did I not love this baby enough? At that moment I felt the Holy Spirit all around me. No, Kayleigh, it isn’t that at all. I realized that the reason I didn’t feel that crippling depression is because as the very moment that I was given the news that turned my world upside down…I handed it over to the Lord. 

“I lay this burden in Your hands…and for that I thank you.”

The Lord took my burden and made it His own, allowing me to move forward with my life in the most positive way I could. Instead of me hurting and grieving, I was able to help someone who was in the same place I was. My love and faith in the Lord helped 1 person, 1 person’s struggle easier. That, I believe, is the answer I was looking for. 

I will continue to help woman who go through this heartbreaking experience in any way I can. But know that through this, I feel more loved by the Lord than I ever have. I am so abundantly grateful for His love and Mercy. So remember, when things get tough, when they get to a place where you don’t think you can go on, place your burdens in His hands. The peace you will feel in a feeling like none other in the world. It’s supernatural :)

To everybody who wrote me and message with words of encouragement, I will be forever grateful. I love each and every one of you and hope to be there for you one day as you were there for me.

God Bless each and every one of you!

Kay