What To Expect When You Are NOT Expecting

So I recently watched the movie “What To Expect While Expecting” with Josh and then again tonight with my mom. Let me tell ya, it is a good movie. I laughed…I cried…cried more than laughed…but came away liking it. I will also tell you this; Nooot the best movie to watch when you are unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant. The movie takes you through 5 different woman’s (and their husband’s) journeys to parenthood. We have the woman who tried for years and finally got pregnant, the woman where everything just came so easily to her, the woman who was unable to have children and was experiencing adoption of a baby from Ethiopia, a woman later in life who unexpectedly got pregnant by a new boyfriend, and a woman who got pregnant on a one night stand but ended up miscarrying (hence the tears).  The movie touches on each woman’s battle and the joys and heartache of bringing a human being into the world. Well I thought I would give you a little insight on the woman who has miscarried twice and who is fighting the good fight of getting pregnant. This is what to expect with you are NOT expecting…

     1) Living your life 2 weeks at a time. When you are trying to get pregnant…there are 2 very important dates each month. The day you ovulate and the day (sorry to go here) you start. For the first two weeks you are counting down the days until ovulation and then you go on to count down the days to where you can take a pregnancy test. After a negative test…the cycle starts all over.  It is exhausting.  I personally have managed to consolidate my obsession days down to just a few a month…but having a family and a busy work place helps tremendously with that.  Thank the good Lord.

    2) Emotional Roller Coaster 101. Oh Em Ge. One day I am fine…one day I am a wreck.  13 ½ days I am fine…1 ½ days I am a wreck. Bless my poor husband’s heart. I can’t imagine how he feels not knowing what he will get each day. This battle has brought out a new side of me that I never knew I had. Trying to continue to let your heart heel while you are trying so hard to make something new happen is almost an impossible task. So why do I do it you ask? Because I am flippin crazy that's why. The thought of holding a child that is half me and half Josh drives me into hysteria. Get a grip, Kay. Get a grip.

  3) The 28 Day Blues. This one is pretty self explanatory and goes along with both 1 & 2. With every negative test…the 28 days blues comes out in full force. Sometimes…just sometimes…I want to tell mother nature to suck it.

4) Trust. I recently had a discussion with one of my best friends about our faith. We were trying to decide how much trust we TRULY put into the Lord. We say that we trust Him and that we give all over to Him…but are we sure that we don’t just trust Him with the things that WE can ultimately control? Reality check. That’s not the way it works…and this is coming from a strong conviction that I have on myself. It is not MY timing…it is HIS. It is not MY will…it is HIS. No matter how many 2 week increments I live or how many pregnancy tests I take…they will be negative until God decides differently. End of discussion. I pray for God to give me the strength to fight this battle in His time…and I feel that it has gotten easier in the last couple of months. But, in no way, shape, or form is this easy. All God wants to do is carry this burden for me…all I have to do is allow Him to.

So there it is…what to expect when you are NOT expecting. I know there are so many women out there that are going through the same thing I am right now.  So let’s stick together shall we? You are not crazy, you are not alone. I promise to keep all of you in my prayers…I only ask that you return the favor ;)

With all my love,

Kayleigh