while tabor naps.

Mommyhood

Breakfast, clean the kitchen, hang up my shades in my bedroom (with a drill), laundry. Lunch, Lilly's nap, mow the lawn, laundry. Vacuum, fold laundry, Lilly's homework, get Lilly dressed for dance, gym. Run 3 miles at gym, Lilly's ballet, Sydney's volleyball game in Lindale. Home, laundry, shower, make bed, work.

Welcome to my life.

As I went through the steps of my day I got to thinking. Being a single mother is the hardest job a person could have. Period. I'm not saying that I don't love what I do but good gracious...I'm exhausted. I look forward to the day where every day isn't such a struggle and my teammate is here with me every day. I am so blessed to have the help of my wonderful mother along with Josh's. I know I wouldn't be able to do this without them.

Days like today are catch 22s for me. I step back and realize that I am able to do this all on my own and that is a wonderful feeling. I am financially independent and run an efficient household. I am able to do things around the house that are usually left for the male counterpart. I bend over backwards to make sure that Lilly doesn't want for anything and 90% of the time I am successful. But then I get to thinking about how hard every single day is for me and get that sick feeling in my stomach. I married a man that at the time was a wonderful father. I knew for sure that if things weren't to work out between him and I, he would at least be a good, PRESENT father to Lilly. What happened to that guy? Now I get the guy who doesn't answer his phone when it is his time to have her. I get the guy who makes up excuses to not talk to his baby girl. While I'm busting my butt trying to be the best mother AND father to our precious baby he is off living the single life of a 20 something year old man. You know what? WHATEVER. I am the one who gets to be a part of her life every single day. I am the one she cries for when she is sad or scared or upset. I am the one that she walks up to for no reason at all and gives a kiss and tell me she loves me. Moments like that make my days worth it. I will be exhausted for the rest of my life if it means I get to share it with her.

I have a beautiful baby girl that I am so proud of every day. She makes all this worth it.