A Heavy Heart

Putting into words how you feel is the hardest challenge that anyone will face. The way I love him is indescribable. I think about him every second of every day. I hear a song and my heart physically aches. People say that love is really all in your head; that your heart has nothing to do with love, medically that is. So tell me how it is possible for my heart to physically ache from loving him so much? How can the mear thought of him and out life together put the biggest smile on my face that when people see me they think, "Wow, that girl is in love." I have always been the kind of person that doesn't let people in easily. A wall has always stayed up around my heart for protection. I have loved and lost in the most tremendous ways and I'm all too familiar with heartache and anguish. So how is it the he came into my life so unexpectedly and tore down my walls with no hesitation? No questions, no second guessing, no looking back. He looks at me like he has loved me forever. Like he WILL love me forever. We see so many things the same way and are headed down the path to greatness. We are on the same page in the same book. We know that even though we are apart in distance, our hearts are always together. Heart to heart; always and forever.

I know how blessed I am. Every day I thank the Lord for what he has done for me. This time last year I never imagined being where I am today. I was so lost. I don't even recognize that person anymore. I had the mentality of "anything goes when everything's gone." Lilly was my rock at that point but I knew that I had a lot of changes to make in my life and I couldn't do it alone. The moment that I decided to recommit my life to Christ is a moment that I will remember for the rest of my life. He lifted all of the pain, guilt, and self pity out of me. I moved forward from that day ready to be a fully devoted follower of Christ. I am so grateful for Craig Grochel and LifeChurch.TV. Without them I don't believe I would have found my way back to the path I desperately needed to be on.

In the past 10 months more life changing events have taken place than in my whole life. These are the types of events that changed my soul. In October of last year I lost my best friend in the whole world to no ones fault but my own. I made unimaginable mistakes that I live with everyday. In November I experienced something that I wouldn't wish upon anyone in this world and I didn't have my best friend there to confide in. While all this was going on my boyfriend and I were struggling and everyday he made me feel like I wasn't good enough. If any of yall have ever been made to feel that way I am so sorry. It is the worst feeling in the world.

By January I had reached a depression. I prayed every day for God to guide me through the trying times. Although there were some days that I questioned if God was hearing my cries...I knew he would come through. In February I finished nursing school which was the biggest accomplishment of my life to date. Especially considering I went through a divorce and became a single mom in the middle of the program. I had decided at that point the only man I needed in my life was God. I needed to focus on my relationship with him and no one else. Even though I had my hard moments, the days of crying every day were behind me.

In April I reconnected with a friend from high school on face book. yes...face book. We instantly had a connection and it didn't take long for me to make a trip from Oklahoma down to Dallas to see him. That weekend was one of the best of my life. Josh and I have been together ever since. He is the most amazing man I have ever known. He is not only good to me, he loves Lilly with his whole heart and there is nothing more I could ask for. How did I get so incredibly lucky? I have been through so much and came out on top. I never thought it would happen. God is so truly amazing it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. He held my hand when I felt I was all alone in this world. He helped me heal in time through his love. I truly believe that you do not know what love is until you are in love with the Lord. God IS love. I know know what it is to love someone with you whole heart and I look forward to sharing my love with Josh for the rest of my life. People say that they are looking for "the one"...not me...I have already for his. Jesus is "the one" for me. The Bible says that God should be your number one, your spouse your number two and your children your number three. I have found all three.

Now that you are caught up on my life...I will try to keep up as much as I possibly can.

God Bless You All,

Kayleigh